A married couple came for advice to a family psychologist: “We are on the verge of divorce. Your consultation is our last hope. Can you do anything?” They expected him to try to reverse their break up. Instead of this he suggested another idea: “As well-mannered people you may go to a restaurant to solemnly mark the end of your married life.” What consequences can such a “celebration” have? Either those who can no longer be together will separate in a beautiful way, being grateful for the years they lived together and keeping a friendly relationship or their relationship will enter a new phase of love that ‘suffereth long, and is kind; charity envieth not; charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up, doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil; rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in the truth; beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things… never faileth’ (1 Corinthians 13, 4-8).
What can restore lost love? Remembering the things which you can be grateful to your partner for. Usually when people wish to break up there is a cloud of bad memories in their minds, memories of the last days and months of their life together. If I start thanking a person for having made me happy at some point, it may lead to a reestablishment of the relationship. It will not be the former relationship, but an absolutely different one.
First of all you should let the person go inside of yourself. Let him go completely. A psychologist once said, “Since hope dies last, I would kill her first.” Why? Because while we wait in “hope,” we are held up in the state of “maybe she’ll come back?” We don’t act, we don’t move forward, and don’t live a full-fledged life.
What does it mean to let a person go? It means to decide completely - “She has left me. I let her go. That’s it!” We let him or her go into the light, with gratitude and understanding: “Yes, probably a wonderful period of my life is over. Probably this man made me happy for two whole years. Now I let him go in happiness, into the light, into full-fledged life. Then I will live an independent life. Maybe the Lord will send somebody else to me on my way of life. Or, probably, He wants to tell me something important about my relationship with Him Himself.
How do we break up with the people who understand suddenly they must go their own way? Are we able to let this person go with gratitude? With no reproaches or hints, not wishing to shame him for he has left you, not endowing him with the feeling of guilt? That means to thank them and to let go when breaking up.
If a person knows that we are secretly waiting for him, they usually don’t come back. Even if he suddenly feels that he needs you, deep down he knows that he should not come back. That’s why it is better to let him go, to sincerely wish him good luck and to say farewell to him, thanking him for all the good that has been in your relationship.
While we wait – he definitely won’t come back. While we hope – he definitely won’t come back. That’s why we should bury hope and continue living. For each of us to break up with the person with whom we were in love is not the end, but the beginning of new life, a new stage on our way, a chance to enter new level of understanding yourself, your neighbor and God.
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